I think I broke my brain.....

I know my body is broke, but at least I used to be able to think.

I'm serious. It doesn't want to work. I read the low-carb headlines, I start thinking about the topic at hand, I start to pick it apart in my mind, and then *POOF*. Gone. It's like my brain says, "ENOUGH ALREADY!" and just shuts down.

I think it really has a lot to do with the fatigue I'm dealing with. My TSH test results were 3.01. Not exactly the number I was expecting. The way I feel I expected it to come back around a million or so.

So now what?

I don't know.

I'm totally lost as to where to go from here. I did get a B12 shot while at the doctor and it helped a bit. Enough that I'm fantasizing about having B12 intravenously pumped into my system continually. How sad is that? I actually asked for another shot 4 days later when I took my Mother-In-Law to the doctor. I'm like a junkie begging for a fix. They said they couldn't give me another for a few weeks or I'd overdose. I've tried one of those sugar-free liquid energy shots a couple of times. I think whiskey would have been more effective, although it would have burned more going down. At least with alcohol I'd have forgotten why drank the shot in the first place.

My question: Why is my low-carb lifestyle not making a difference in my energy levels? It used to. I used to have more energy, at 30, than I did in my teens. So now that I'm approaching 35, overweight from allowing stress to control the part of my brain that regulates common sense, and struggling to get my health back on track, I feel hopeless. It's so very opposite of the way I felt just a few short years ago.

Nothing I've tried has helped and I don't know what to do about it. Taking care of yourself requires effort. I don't have the energy to put forth the effort. It's a cycle I can't seem to break out of.

So here you have it. All out in the open. I'm a head case who's body is broke and I don't know why. Anyone know where I can score some B12?

I finally went to the doctor...

Yesterday I hit what felt like an all-time low. I decided enough was enough. I don't care if I don't have insurance... I need help. So today I saw a doctor. We talked about my history, all the years I've battled with fatigue, my weight yo-yo's etc.

She did a pressure point test on me. Then looked me in the eye and said "you don't have fibromyalgia". I think my heart I always suspected this, so it really came as no surprise, but it was nice to hear a doctor say it.

She drew blood and is sending it off to test my thyroid and to see if I'm anemic. She got me fixed up with more acid reflux meds, which I rarely need now that I'm low-carbing, but nice to have around for when I do. She also tested my blood glucose with her meter then with mine. Looks like mine needs to be calibrated as it runs about 10 points higher than hers. It was actually good today... 89. Lowest I've seen it in months.

She got on to me a bit about skipping out on my Mammograms I'm supposed to be getting and gave me the number of a clinic who will take care of me for free. Thank the Lord. I can't imagine what getting those will cost otherwise.

Then before I left she gave me a B-12 shot to help me out. I don't know how long those take to work or last, but I can already tell a little difference.

Anyhoo... I'll just deal with money issues later I guess. Right now I have to save myself and my sanity. I should have results back on Monday, so I'll give an update then.

Have a great weekend!

Personal Update

Today I thought I'd just share an update on my progress.

I wish I had more to report. Sadly I haven't done that well lately. I seem to be spinning my wheels but going no where. I think my biggest problem is stress. I don't deal with it properly and it tends to get the better of me. Emotional eating is a problem I deal with regularly. While I do much better than I used to, it's still an issue. I just have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time.

I'm trying a new battle plan starting today. I'll once again plan out every bite that goes into my mouth, including "emergency" foods. You know... those times when things don't go as planned and you can't eat what you intended to. It seems to happen to me often enough that I need to be better prepared for it. I also am going to watch my macro nutrients closely. I do seem to do better when my calories are a bit lower. It may be that I'm simply taking in more food than I need and when watching my calories a bit I tend to eat only what is necessary. I still believe that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to calories, but if I'm over eating it doesn't help. I'll closely track everything again and see how it goes. (I used to do that all the time... I got lazy.)

Another step will be more water. I'm not getting enough in. Also more exercise. Even if it's just an extra few minutes, I think it will be beneficial.

I strongly suspect I have thyroid issues. I've had proof in the past of this (t3 tests), but it wasn't enough to convince my doctor. I then lost my insurance due to a job change and never pursued it further. I may be getting insurance soon, and if I do you can bet getting my thyroid checked will be on the top of the list. I'm having a lot of symptoms that fall right in line with thyroid dysfunction. This may also explain why I'm having such a tough time losing lately. There is also the distinct possibility that my short stint on Kimkins really messed up my metabolism. It could be all of the above. I hope to find out soon.

I plan to keep myself busy today while I struggle to get back on track. Being sick last week really messed up my determination to eat right. I ended up just eating what was convenient instead. Never a good thing. And again I had a lot of stress. It's not something I feel like getting into, but it was a tough week and I'm still recovering emotionally.

Have a great Monday everyone!