Kick me.. (ignore the sign)

I'm not wearing padding either....

I'm depressed right now. This is very unusual for me this time of year. I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. But this year I'm having a hard time getting into it. I've never had this problem before, so it's weird to feel this way.

I would venture to say part of it is exhaustion. This move took a lot out of me. It also took an awful lot out of our bank account, which is probably another reason I'm not feeling so festive. But I think the biggest part of the problems is that when I started preparing for the move, I got too busy to take care of myself. The result? In two short months I've regained about 10 lbs. No..that's incorrect. I've regained OVER 10 lbs. I was at 159 when I quit making progress. Now I'm at 171. That just royally stinks! It's depressing and frustrating. Anyway, I've changed my progress tickers to reflect the bad news.

My challenge now isn't to get back on track. The hardest part will be to overcome the emotions so I can get back on track. See, when I quit low-carbing, I slowly start having health issues. Most of them creep back on so slowly that I don't notice them until they are pretty bad. My depression issues are that way. I can manage without medications when I eat as I should. But when I start eating carbs they slowly edge back in. Then one morning I wake up, pull the covers back over my head and wish I could sleep forever. That's pretty much where I am now. I'm very frustrated with myself. I guess I should just be glad that I haven't gained it all back already. I think the only reason the damage is minor is because I did eat low-carb foods... just not all the time. There were way too many fast food places in my menu the last two months, and I didn't make good choices.

So, this is the start of a new day, right? I can get back on track and do my best to ignore my emotional roller coaster ride until I am well again. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. Once again I'm going to use this blog to keep me on the up and up. I'll try to post daily if I can (except Sunday). Knowing that I need to check in may be just enough of a kick in the pants to help me get there.

So get your boots on and prepare for some exercise... my rear end is huge and you'll be kicking frequently.

Mayday! Mayday! I'm going down.....

I blew it.

Just completely blew it.

I had the best of intentions today. I was going to eat strict, or at the least smart. I didn't do either this afternoon. I ate like a pig with it's head in the trough.

*snort* Oh chocolate! Is this bad for me? *snort* Yeah.. this'll probably make me sick after I eat it. I really shouldn't. *snort, bite, gulp* Yum.. gotta have some more of that! Just another bite...*snort, chew, slurp* What else can I inhale around here after I'm done? *snort, slurp* Uh... is that a fry up my nose?? *snort, snort* When is dinner?? *snort*

I think I know what's going on, although it's not an excuse.

First, I tried cutting way back on diet soda. That should be a good thing, right? I'm not so sure it is for me. While I certainly need to get my minimum of water in, I think not having any Diet Rite in the house has been more harmful than helpful. I really think the Diet Rite helps curb any cravings I might have. Since I haven't had any soda around, I've indulged in other things to deal with cravings. I've ate quite a bit more than normal and I'm no longer in ketosis.

Second, I'm a severe emotional eater and have not conquered those demons. My emotions are running on high today. My hubby was one of 3 being considered for a job. A job that will be better for all of us. He'll be home every night instead of traveling and the pay will be at least as good as he gets now. It will require a move, but we were planning on that anyhow. So hubby calls me today to tell me that the guy he sent his resume to called him this morning. He was very impressed and wants hubby for the job. He is no longer considering the other two candidates. This man is forwarding hubby's resume to another man, who has the final say-so, and recommending hubby for the job. I think he said the two men were to have a meeting tomorrow so we may know something soon. Stuff like this makes me anxious and I tend to want to eat or sleep through it. Eating is a bad idea and sleeping isn't really an option either.

So anyway. I flubbed big time today. Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day. I doubt I'll even eat tonight. My stomach is rebelling big time.

I'm listing reasons I should never go off plan here. I'm going to print it off, laminate it, and carry it everywhere I go.

Reasons I Should Stick To My Diet

#1. I'll feel reeeaaallllly icky!
#2. I'll bloat like a balloon!
#3. My IBS, GERD, etc. will come back!
#4. I'll beat myself up for sabotaging myself!
#5. I'll gain weight.
#6. I'll continue to gain weight because it will set off my old bad habits!
#7. My long-term health will be compromised!
#8. My clothes will get tight, or worse yet not fit at all!
#9. I'm setting a bad example for my kids and others who are watching me!
#10. I deserve better!

I'm just a little peeved at myself. I promise I'll be over by tomorrow.

I'm Bollixed Up!

Translation: I'm frustrated!

You just gotta love the dictionary and thesaurus. You can learn some really interesting words. Here's some other synonyms for frustrated:

balked*, checkmated, crabbed*, cramped, crimped, defeated, discontented, discouraged, disheartened, embittered, faked out, flummoxed, foiled, fouled up*, irked, put away, resentful, screwed up, skinned, stonewalled*, stymied*, thwarted, ungratified, unsated, unslaked

* = slang or informal

I almost used crimped, as it just sounds funny. So does crabbed, but that could really be take wrong. Title: I'm Crabbed! Nah. I don't think so.

So anyhoo.. I am frustrated today. It's gonna be one of those days where it's going to take extra effort to eat like I should. But I will.

I'm not giving in to these emotions!!!

So here's the scoop...

I'm actually up on the scale today. That normally wouldn't bother me, because I know it's all part of the process. For some reason though, it does bother me. Maybe because I've been trying to break this 166 stall or set point or whatever you want to call it. Instead of going down I went up. BUT, that could be a good thing since it may mean a good loss tomorrow. Either way, I really think I'm just taking my anger out on the scale because of another issue.

My neighbors. Yeah. Gotta love neighbors.

We've lived in this area for less than a year... and Lord willing, when our lease is up we are outta here! I am counting down the days. What's sad is we have great neighbors, with the exception of one. This one family has 4 children, who for some reason, seem to think it's fun to torture mine. As of last night we told our children they were no longer allowed to even walk down the sidewalk past this house.

It started a couple of weeks ago when my daughter and another neighbor girl, we'll call her L, were playing. These boys, who range from 14 to 3, starting pelting them with sticks and rocks. L's dad saw this and called her home, also telling my daughter she needs to go home as well. My little girl came in crying and telling me that L couldn't play with her anymore as long as these kids were outside. I hugged her and told her we'd work something out. It's been like a war ever since.

My children came in a few days ago saying that these boys were throwing gumballs (those spikey hard things that fall out of the trees, not the candy) at them over the fence and hitting them and our dog. I looked out the back door at their yard, which is two houses away and couldn't figure out how they were throwing them that far. Last night I found out.

I heard my daughter scream something so I went to the back door. There she was with a "gumball" in hand ready to hurl it at the neighbor boys. Since we have no trees that drop those in our yard, it had to have come from them throwing it first. I open the door to stop her, when I see the oldest, who like I said I estimate to be about 14, leap over the fence into his yard and tried to hide on the ground. The other child, who isn't big enough to get over the fence, just froze a moment and then ran. They are going into the back yard of the house between us and throwing stuff at my kids over our fence!

My children can't even safely play in their own back yard!!!

This hacks me off to no end!

My daughter then came to me crying and telling me that they had gotten in trouble for throwing stuff last time and they told her they'd "get her" for getting them in trouble. She's scared to even go outside now.

My son also told me that when he was walking by to go to L's house, the oldest grabbed him from behind, put his arm around his neck and lifted him off the ground. He said he struggled to get away and then ran. We told them to tell us immediately if something happens again and we will just call the police. What else can we do? What worries me most is that my husband travels and the kids and I are here alone sometimes. What if the older kid gets mad and gets some his buddies together for revenge? We do live in a rougher area of St. Louis, so it's not an impossibility.

I will not have my kids being bullied! And they certainly shouldn't have to spend their summer indoors just to avoid these morons!

We've known for a while we didn't want to stay here.. but this has been the last nail in the coffin. Now if we can just get moved before my husband kills one of them and ends up in jail. He was so mad last night I thought he was gonna march over there and personally assure they never touched our kids, or anyone else's, again. Can we say NOT GOOD?

Our lease is up the end of September. If we can just avoid a blow-up until then we are good. But it's certainly stress I didn't need. And worrying about my kids safety is going to really make things no fun for them this summer.

So I ask for prayer on this from those of you who pray. I know God can protect us, but it's still a scary situation.

C'mon September....